At the start of 2009, I posted a blog with the following statement:
My personal wish for 2009 is that I look back and say I accomplished personal goals that I started long ago. Some things take longer than we think they will, and some things are definitely worth the sweat. I wonder what I will learn in 2009.
In 2009, lessons I thought I’d already learned crept back into my life (again!), prompting me to re-examine my goals, desires, and choices. Is that the way it is with most people? Some issues in our lives seem to come in cycles, with a slightly different flavor on each pass. It’s like a slinky stretched out and the lessons we learn in one pass might come back in a few more passes – especially if we missed the full lesson the first (or first few) times around. I’d like to say I learned how to truly let go of ideas, situations, and people that are corrosive to me, or that I’ve learned to walk away from circumstances that are almost guaranteed to cause me some kind of heartache, but, no, I keep learning those lessons. Looking back at the past twelve months, life has taught me the price of impulsivity, the cost of procrastination, the value of personal integrity, the peace that comes from a sense of positive self-worth, and to heed the fine print that I previously did not take the time to read.
This year, I also learned to more fully appreciate ordinary miracles, random kindnesses, and the beauty of NOT getting what I thought I wanted. Now, it is easy to look at a situation from the backside and be grateful that we didn’t get it. Had I actually gotten one thing I wanted this year, I fully believe I would have been much worse off for the situation. That said, ordinary miracles like a beautiful sunset, a bird singing in the morning, finding a penny (or a dime) on the sidewalk, and a vanilla latte have earned a more prominent place in my life. I’ve begun to notice kindnesses more often, and I try not to miss little opportunities to be kind to others. Mostly, I really do appreciate that I didn’t get something I was convinced I so desperately wanted at about this time last year. The timing and location for that wish just didn’t work out, which is best. I can only imagine how much heartache I would have endured had I gotten that particular thing. I’d be willing to say that most people have at least one thing they are glad they did NOT get in 2009. Enough said.
As for the personal goals I started so long ago, I did accomplish one of them just yesterday, I’ve been delaying this task for several years, so I’m pleased that I got that one in under the wire for 2009. It is a good feeling to have accomplished that particular task – it was emotionally draining, but well worth the effort. I still have other tasks to complete, and I am closer to understanding that what we don’t accomplish now we may never have the chance to accomplish – so I may be finally getting closer to avoiding the pitfall of procrastination. I lost both family members and friends in 2009 – some because of death, some due to neglect, and some due to – I know not what or why, and that left a cloud and several rainy days for me, but with the rain comes growth, and I can say I am a tad wiser this December 31 than I was the last; I have developed a keener sense of self-preservation.
As the calendar turns to 2010, I find that I have rediscovered one of my favorite quotes: “I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.” This quote by Anaïs Nin echoes an adage of the simple wisdom I embrace: I am better than I used to be; I’m still a work in progress.
My personal wish for 2010 is that I learn to be still, and not simply hear- but truly listen to the creative voice of intuition that seems to have been silent. I’m not even going to guess what I might learn in 2010 – I’ll just keep working on becoming a better me – after all, I am a work in progress.
May you discover your best self in 2010, take steps to make your life what you want it to be, and prosper in health, wealth, love, and life.