A Cup of Resilience: The Backside of 2010

The year 2011 began with a whimper – at least, for me. So, I’m a little behind with this blog/note. I started thinking about the year of 2010 and what I learned (or didn’t) back in early December 2010. I’ve written before that I don’t make New Year Resolutions – simply because I believe that self-improvement, growth, self-discovery, or whatever you want to call it should be an ongoing process. I looked back at what I was thinking at the end of 2009:

“My wish for 2010 is that I learn to be still, and not simply hear- but truly listen to the creative voice of intuition that seems to have been silent. I’m not even going to guess what I might learn in 2010 – I’ll just keep working on becoming a better me – after all, I am a work in progress. “

Now that 2011 is well underway, I’m still not sure what my goals for 2011 might be.  In 2011, I know I’ll be working on more of that resilience, and my first test of it for the year has been less than promising. However, at so many times in my life, I’ve learned that I am resilient – even when I don’t feel like it, or perhaps especially when I don’t feel like it.

I haven’t felt especially eloquent or creative for months, but recently I realized that it doesn’t matter. The creativity is still here, perhaps dormant, perhaps waiting for the next season of growth. In some ways, the creative process, or at least mine, is followed by a time of fallowness, or rest, and then, a burst of new ideas, energy, and enthusiasm is awakened.

In 2010 I learned that:

  • I can lose many things I once thought were necessary – as it turns out, a great many things.
  • I can endure; I am tenacious; I am resilient.
  • I really should have taken an economics course in college, but I love writing, literature, and philosophy more than economics. Had I taken an economics course, perhaps I wouldn’t have had to learn personal finance empirically.
  • Fulfilling a bucket list wish was worth every penny. (Empiricism included.)
  • Love sometimes means letting go is the right (and necessary) thing to do.
  • Painting the exterior of your own house is a painstaking chore, and it takes a lot longer than you expected. (One of 2011’s summer projects will be to complete that summer 2010 job).
  • When it is time to walk away from a situation, I should walk away as fast as possible and not look back. Moving backward is simply moving without getting anywhere.

I’m not wishing for anything in 2011.  I’m making a simple statement:

In 2011, I’ll keep working on being a better me.  I want to have a little more fun than I did in 2010 (without forgetting those lessons of recent years), and I want to achieve some personal goals, one of which is to get my blogging/writing mojo flowing.  I plan to ride the Shadow more often, go roller skating as often as I can afford to, take pictures, paint (with my pastels), get back to teaching myself how to play the piano, and write some long overdue letters to dear friends and family (who aren’t on facebook). And, of course, continue my MA degree as finances allow. I also want to finish painting my damn house. As for one specific 2011 intention: in May, I’m going on a personal retreat. I’ve been trying to decide how I’m going to commemorate a decade since Corey’s death, and I’ve decided a retreat is in order.

I know, it’s well into 2011. Something has been dormant, quiet, silent, sleeping – whatever you want to call it, fine. This Dragon is waking up (I was born in a Dragon year, and I seem to exhibit many dragon-like qualities, so I’m going with it – if you don’t really like it, so be it).

I might be a bit late in expressing my hopes/plans for 2011, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had them all along.

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