2013: A Cup of Clarity

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
 And next year’s words await another voice.
 And to make an end is to make a beginning.”
~ T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding

After a long hiatus, it’s time to revive my blog. While the reasons for my absence are many and varied, they are irrelevant. What is more important is that I’ve found my mojo again, or at least, I’ve figured out where to look for it. It seems that it has been here all along, but I wasn’t looking in the right place. Naturally, I found it in the last place I looked.  Always the case, it seems. I’ve been silent for about 18 months.  Instead of starting a new blog, I’m dusting my keyboard off and jumping into the blogosphere again. I’ve found my YAWP.

For years, I wrote a year in retrospect post. I’ve missed that for a couple of years, so on this New Year’s Eve 2013…

It’s about time – and we only get so much. We each have an alloted lifetime, and we don’t know how much time we have.  I frittered much of 2013 away trying to figure out how to motivate myself into getting old things on my “to do” list accomplished; I spent too many days trying to find my lost writing voice.  Often, I felt as though I was just going through the motions of living, and writing seemed like a Sisyphean task. When I look back over the year, I’m surprised at what I did manage to accomplish. I didn’t even hang a 2013 calendar on my wall. For whatever reason, whether it was that the year ended with a 3, or a 13, or was an odd year, or the digits added up to a 6 (not a good number for me, apparently), 2013 wasn’t a year in which I felt good about myself. This year, I frequently found a way to doubt myself, to second-guess my decisions, and ultimately found a plethora of reasons not to give a damn.  It seemed as though no matter what I did, I just wasn’t good enough, I didn’t make enough money, didn’t have enough joy, or was somehow “less than.”

My situation isn’t any different today than it was yesterday, but my perspective has changed. Today, I made a purposeful choice about how I didn’t want to spend my New Year’s Eve (which is a good thing). So, I drove across town to get a bottle of Pinot Noir for my New Year’s Eve dinner. On the way back home, these thoughts came to me:

  • Contentment is a choice.
  • The bloom we see in the spring has exerted a lot of energy before we can see its beauty.
  • We make our own bliss and our own misery.

My highlights of 2013 are simple. I strengthened friendships, made new friends, found old friends, enjoyed spending time with my family, and completed one more stage in the process of finishing a graduate degree. And I found my writing voice, my mojo, my muse – whatever it is, I never lost it, I just stowed it away on a shelf behind some crap I’ve now jettisoned from my life.

As for 2013, it seems that the year went by too quickly and not quickly enough at the same time. All the same, I’m glad this year is behind me and I don’t have to live through it again. I made some mistakes, enjoyed some accomplishments, and rediscovered the elusive mojo I’d misplaced.  It was with me all this time, but I had to make a choice to see it. I don’t remember what happened in the summer of 2012 to cause my inspiration to leave; I don’t know that it would be of any help to try to figure it out. What I do know is that in the last few weeks, I’ve found some clarity that had been absent for too long.

In 2014, I’m not making any resolutions. I’m simply going to focus on three things:
to live deliberately, to choose wisely, and to be content with my choices.

Isn’t that all any of us can do?

May 2014 bring health, prosperity, contentment, and joy into your life.

© 2013 lkl All rights reserved.  This work may not be reproduced in any form or media without permission.

 

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